This is great. And don't worry. My husband was 47 and 50 when my kids were born (and I myself was 35 and 38). While my pregnancies were considered "advanced maternal age" or, worse, "geriatric," I never felt "old" as a parent, nor did my husband. You aren't late to the game - you're exactly where you need to be.
It's one of the most meaningful things you can do with your life. :)
When you're a parent, the future matters. You are personally sending something forward, so seeing to it that it has a safe place to arrive is now also personal.
Hope it works out for you, Colin. I was the same way, till I wasn't. I have one son and two grandchildren now. They're all I'm ever going to get but I'm glad I've got 'em.
(If I knew any single women I'd send them your way.)
Thank you for this thoughtful essay. 43 years ago I had a similar epiphany at age 35. My daughter was born a year later. I was able to visit my parents before my dad died suddenly a year later. Now I’m a grandma and it has been a love fest. I wouldn’t trade the experience for any amount of world travel or wealth. I hope your dream comes true.
Your parents have set a very high bar for you to rise up and meet. Most people who become parents vow to do a better job, at least in some way, than their parents did. That is a reasonable goal even as we fail in other ways. In the end, you have no control over many issues in kids' lives, and that starts in utero. All that said, I can say without hesitation that I would have regretted it if I had not had kids. As you say, there has to be something in this world that is more important than you, because you are mortal and will soon be gone, in the grand scheme of things. Good luck to you, and do not judge yourself too harshly for your inevitable parenting failures. You're only human. Parenting is something you lovingly muddle through the best you can. Don't forget to love yourself.
I wake up every day and praise the Fates that I did not have children. It's not because I don't like children (although today's brats are unlike any children from past generations) nor because I didn't think I would be a good mother. It's because this civilisation is ending and we don't know what will come next. It's because of climate change that is irreversible. It's because it would break my heart to see my children unable to buy a home. It's because of the thought of having had a daughter who would now be 30 and would have matured in an era of online porn and mandatory blowjobs. Your naive optimism is charming though.
Life is definitely not easy nowadays and there are certainly reasons to be fearful of the future. However, just a cursory glance at virtually any other time or place in all of human history highlights how much more hostile life has been to children. Yet, humans still had them. Humans still found meaning in creating families. All of that worry and work made it possible for us to have our time on earth. I hope you can find the courage to share in that process!
OK having an emotion shout "YOU MUST HAVE CHILDREN" at you? I cannot stop laughing. I mean really. It was like Joe Simpson's reptilian brain on Siula Grande. I'm dead.
My take on this article is that the author may have come to realize that there is more to life than self. That had to be one of the more narcissistic articles I have read.
I don't know...I mean, who has children for utterly selfless reasons? If you're on a rag-tag fugitive fleet on the run from Cylons, sure, but otherwise, everyone has children because they think it will fulfill them.
And isn't that the reason most people do ANYTHING? Study medicine, climb Everest, send puppies to college...we do it because it makes us happy. Maybe that equals selfishness, but if so, it's a selfishness I can live with.
For myself, I don't care why people become parents--I'm not called upon to judge their motives. I concern myself more with HOW they parent.
This is great. And don't worry. My husband was 47 and 50 when my kids were born (and I myself was 35 and 38). While my pregnancies were considered "advanced maternal age" or, worse, "geriatric," I never felt "old" as a parent, nor did my husband. You aren't late to the game - you're exactly where you need to be.
It's one of the most meaningful things you can do with your life. :)
What a beautiful essay! I hope your dreams of fatherhood come true.
I love this for you Colin! Almost 33 years into parenthood and best decision ever! ❤️
Beautiful
Having children is life’s most fulfilling and wonderful blessing. I hope you marry and become a father soon.
When you're a parent, the future matters. You are personally sending something forward, so seeing to it that it has a safe place to arrive is now also personal.
Lovely essay Colin. People often ask "Why have children?" I always offer the simple answer, "Because its fun."
Hope it works out for you, Colin. I was the same way, till I wasn't. I have one son and two grandchildren now. They're all I'm ever going to get but I'm glad I've got 'em.
(If I knew any single women I'd send them your way.)
I was my parents' first and only child. My father was 37 and my mother 36 when I was born, and I turned out just fine.
Thank you for this thoughtful essay. 43 years ago I had a similar epiphany at age 35. My daughter was born a year later. I was able to visit my parents before my dad died suddenly a year later. Now I’m a grandma and it has been a love fest. I wouldn’t trade the experience for any amount of world travel or wealth. I hope your dream comes true.
Fantastic essay!
Your parents have set a very high bar for you to rise up and meet. Most people who become parents vow to do a better job, at least in some way, than their parents did. That is a reasonable goal even as we fail in other ways. In the end, you have no control over many issues in kids' lives, and that starts in utero. All that said, I can say without hesitation that I would have regretted it if I had not had kids. As you say, there has to be something in this world that is more important than you, because you are mortal and will soon be gone, in the grand scheme of things. Good luck to you, and do not judge yourself too harshly for your inevitable parenting failures. You're only human. Parenting is something you lovingly muddle through the best you can. Don't forget to love yourself.
I wake up every day and praise the Fates that I did not have children. It's not because I don't like children (although today's brats are unlike any children from past generations) nor because I didn't think I would be a good mother. It's because this civilisation is ending and we don't know what will come next. It's because of climate change that is irreversible. It's because it would break my heart to see my children unable to buy a home. It's because of the thought of having had a daughter who would now be 30 and would have matured in an era of online porn and mandatory blowjobs. Your naive optimism is charming though.
Life is definitely not easy nowadays and there are certainly reasons to be fearful of the future. However, just a cursory glance at virtually any other time or place in all of human history highlights how much more hostile life has been to children. Yet, humans still had them. Humans still found meaning in creating families. All of that worry and work made it possible for us to have our time on earth. I hope you can find the courage to share in that process!
OK having an emotion shout "YOU MUST HAVE CHILDREN" at you? I cannot stop laughing. I mean really. It was like Joe Simpson's reptilian brain on Siula Grande. I'm dead.
My take on this article is that the author may have come to realize that there is more to life than self. That had to be one of the more narcissistic articles I have read.
Narcissistic? Deep, sincere, describing reality and his thoughts at the time.
Good luck Colin!
I don't know...I mean, who has children for utterly selfless reasons? If you're on a rag-tag fugitive fleet on the run from Cylons, sure, but otherwise, everyone has children because they think it will fulfill them.
And isn't that the reason most people do ANYTHING? Study medicine, climb Everest, send puppies to college...we do it because it makes us happy. Maybe that equals selfishness, but if so, it's a selfishness I can live with.
For myself, I don't care why people become parents--I'm not called upon to judge their motives. I concern myself more with HOW they parent.