This is great. And don't worry. My husband was 47 and 50 when my kids were born (and I myself was 35 and 38). While my pregnancies were considered "advanced maternal age" or, worse, "geriatric," I never felt "old" as a parent, nor did my husband. You aren't late to the game - you're exactly where you need to be.
It's one of the most meaningful things you can do with your life. :)
When you're a parent, the future matters. You are personally sending something forward, so seeing to it that it has a safe place to arrive is now also personal.
Thank you for this thoughtful essay. 43 years ago I had a similar epiphany at age 35. My daughter was born a year later. I was able to visit my parents before my dad died suddenly a year later. Now I’m a grandma and it has been a love fest. I wouldn’t trade the experience for any amount of world travel or wealth. I hope your dream comes true.
Hope it works out for you, Colin. I was the same way, till I wasn't. I have one son and two grandchildren now. They're all I'm ever going to get but I'm glad I've got 'em.
(If I knew any single women I'd send them your way.)
Your parents have set a very high bar for you to rise up and meet. Most people who become parents vow to do a better job, at least in some way, than their parents did. That is a reasonable goal even as we fail in other ways. In the end, you have no control over many issues in kids' lives, and that starts in utero. All that said, I can say without hesitation that I would have regretted it if I had not had kids. As you say, there has to be something in this world that is more important than you, because you are mortal and will soon be gone, in the grand scheme of things. Good luck to you, and do not judge yourself too harshly for your inevitable parenting failures. You're only human. Parenting is something you lovingly muddle through the best you can. Don't forget to love yourself.
So glad to see this! Don't put yourself through a hard time because your children's grandparents will be so old. I was born in the second half of my parents' procreation years, one grandfather already gone (nowadays he'd watch his cholesterol and would live longer) and my two grandmothers died when I was 4 and 9. My dad's dad lived until I was 15. My parents took care to tell us all the stories from generations before. We were blessed with many photographs and even some home movies of them. Even though my sons have been overly influenced by their crossdressing father in the last 10 years, and now do not speak to me for the last 5, I'm glad I had them. I will always love them, and send them postcards saying so. I'm now in a charity project to make quilts for children with matching teddy bear mini-quilts, which I send to a community of big families, many of whom are struggling financially. I channel my father's mother in this, as she sewed many doll clothes, pjs and other delightful items, including a hand sewn Raggedy Ann doll complete with hair she crafted by unraveling an old yellow sweater. I don't have this doll anymore and used to fret about why it wasn't saved for me. Now I've found exactly an old yellow sweater to take apart and will make one to send to this traditional community. You will be blessed Colin. Start buying children's science books! Here's the one I wrote:
I wake up every day and praise the Fates that I did not have children. It's not because I don't like children (although today's brats are unlike any children from past generations) nor because I didn't think I would be a good mother. It's because this civilisation is ending and we don't know what will come next. It's because of climate change that is irreversible. It's because it would break my heart to see my children unable to buy a home. It's because of the thought of having had a daughter who would now be 30 and would have matured in an era of online porn and mandatory blowjobs. Your naive optimism is charming though.
Life is definitely not easy nowadays and there are certainly reasons to be fearful of the future. However, just a cursory glance at virtually any other time or place in all of human history highlights how much more hostile life has been to children. Yet, humans still had them. Humans still found meaning in creating families. All of that worry and work made it possible for us to have our time on earth. I hope you can find the courage to share in that process!
Thank you, Colin, for letting us see your heart. We have appreciated so much that good brain you have used for furthering truth that needs to be told and now this. Beautiful.
I have appreciated Colin's postings on Substack for years. I am thankful for this raw and authentic look into his heart and mind. I would advise exploring the supernatural. There are many comforts in Christianity if you give it/Him a chance. Obviously, Colin needs to find a female partner and I hope that he will experience fatherhood in a marital setting and apply some of the lessons learned from his own family to his own unique life.
This is great. And don't worry. My husband was 47 and 50 when my kids were born (and I myself was 35 and 38). While my pregnancies were considered "advanced maternal age" or, worse, "geriatric," I never felt "old" as a parent, nor did my husband. You aren't late to the game - you're exactly where you need to be.
It's one of the most meaningful things you can do with your life. :)
What a beautiful essay! I hope your dreams of fatherhood come true.
Having children is life’s most fulfilling and wonderful blessing. I hope you marry and become a father soon.
I love this for you Colin! Almost 33 years into parenthood and best decision ever! ❤️
When you're a parent, the future matters. You are personally sending something forward, so seeing to it that it has a safe place to arrive is now also personal.
Lovely essay Colin. People often ask "Why have children?" I always offer the simple answer, "Because its fun."
Beautiful
Thank you for this thoughtful essay. 43 years ago I had a similar epiphany at age 35. My daughter was born a year later. I was able to visit my parents before my dad died suddenly a year later. Now I’m a grandma and it has been a love fest. I wouldn’t trade the experience for any amount of world travel or wealth. I hope your dream comes true.
I was my parents' first and only child. My father was 37 and my mother 36 when I was born, and I turned out just fine.
Hope it works out for you, Colin. I was the same way, till I wasn't. I have one son and two grandchildren now. They're all I'm ever going to get but I'm glad I've got 'em.
(If I knew any single women I'd send them your way.)
Fantastic essay!
Your parents have set a very high bar for you to rise up and meet. Most people who become parents vow to do a better job, at least in some way, than their parents did. That is a reasonable goal even as we fail in other ways. In the end, you have no control over many issues in kids' lives, and that starts in utero. All that said, I can say without hesitation that I would have regretted it if I had not had kids. As you say, there has to be something in this world that is more important than you, because you are mortal and will soon be gone, in the grand scheme of things. Good luck to you, and do not judge yourself too harshly for your inevitable parenting failures. You're only human. Parenting is something you lovingly muddle through the best you can. Don't forget to love yourself.
So glad to see this! Don't put yourself through a hard time because your children's grandparents will be so old. I was born in the second half of my parents' procreation years, one grandfather already gone (nowadays he'd watch his cholesterol and would live longer) and my two grandmothers died when I was 4 and 9. My dad's dad lived until I was 15. My parents took care to tell us all the stories from generations before. We were blessed with many photographs and even some home movies of them. Even though my sons have been overly influenced by their crossdressing father in the last 10 years, and now do not speak to me for the last 5, I'm glad I had them. I will always love them, and send them postcards saying so. I'm now in a charity project to make quilts for children with matching teddy bear mini-quilts, which I send to a community of big families, many of whom are struggling financially. I channel my father's mother in this, as she sewed many doll clothes, pjs and other delightful items, including a hand sewn Raggedy Ann doll complete with hair she crafted by unraveling an old yellow sweater. I don't have this doll anymore and used to fret about why it wasn't saved for me. Now I've found exactly an old yellow sweater to take apart and will make one to send to this traditional community. You will be blessed Colin. Start buying children's science books! Here's the one I wrote:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lRnKG88rk2E&t=18s
I wake up every day and praise the Fates that I did not have children. It's not because I don't like children (although today's brats are unlike any children from past generations) nor because I didn't think I would be a good mother. It's because this civilisation is ending and we don't know what will come next. It's because of climate change that is irreversible. It's because it would break my heart to see my children unable to buy a home. It's because of the thought of having had a daughter who would now be 30 and would have matured in an era of online porn and mandatory blowjobs. Your naive optimism is charming though.
Life is definitely not easy nowadays and there are certainly reasons to be fearful of the future. However, just a cursory glance at virtually any other time or place in all of human history highlights how much more hostile life has been to children. Yet, humans still had them. Humans still found meaning in creating families. All of that worry and work made it possible for us to have our time on earth. I hope you can find the courage to share in that process!
Thank you, Colin, for letting us see your heart. We have appreciated so much that good brain you have used for furthering truth that needs to be told and now this. Beautiful.
Love, Indio
I have appreciated Colin's postings on Substack for years. I am thankful for this raw and authentic look into his heart and mind. I would advise exploring the supernatural. There are many comforts in Christianity if you give it/Him a chance. Obviously, Colin needs to find a female partner and I hope that he will experience fatherhood in a marital setting and apply some of the lessons learned from his own family to his own unique life.